Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Lady titles

You guys!  You will all be exceedingly relieved to hear that I found a hair and makeup artist who can make my hair look like it does cool things!  This is stellar.  Also stellar are my shoes.  We all knew the Gap or one of its associates would feature in my wedding someway, somehow.  I'm basically the talk of the town at school, between my volunteering to teach next year's six-child self-contained classroom and my imminent matrimony.  They all say I glow!  I am guessing that is due to the latter rather than the former.  They all ask me about my new name; I tell them.  But something that bothers me about this day and age is that even though I will officially be Mrs., that will invariably get shortened to Ms.  My principal is Dr., and she insists on Dr., and that's her right, but unfortunately instead of keeping her staff's titles straight (granted, 135 is a lot of titles to keep straight), everyone is Mr. or Ms.  And this culture is so ridiculous that it might even be more likely by now that a woman is Ms. rather than Mrs., and no one should dare assume Mrs., because that is assuming marriage; there are too many touchy situations and sore subjects, so everyone just plays it safe with the catch-all Ms., which is absurdly pronounced Mizz, which is like 3% away from Miss.  There's also that political, level-the-playing-field argument, well, no one knows if MEN are married, MY identity will not be determined by whether I have a husband!, etc etc.  The same argument can be made for Dr.!  It's a title you earn by doing a lot of things.  Those people who get upset about identities being tied to marriage should also get upset about identities being tied to the highest possible degree, HMMMMM?  And I have loved being Miss.  It's young, it's pretty.  It's a statement: no, I am not married.  Similarly, I will love being Mrs.  It's another statement:  yes, I am married; yes, I have found someone whom I love immensely and who loves me immensely, and we made a commitment, and we are very comfortable in our commitment.  It's humble and motherly and gentle and surprisingly assertive in this society in that old fashioned way, holding its head high.  I have way too many children whose mothers or mother figures are Ms., often with different last names.  Family!  I hear myself saying in my head, that's just the way it's always been, that's the way it's supposed to be; and I hear the rebuttal, but why does it have to continue!  And I don't know that exact answer, so in an attempt to answer a related question, here is the sum of my reasoning:  I heard of this one completely predictable study where Ms. was seen as more successful, assertive, powerful, attractive; Mrs. was seen as slow, homely, you get the idea.  But you know what, Mrs. was seen as being very warm, and Ms. was seen as being a bitch.

2 comments:

Justin said...

Don't worry, I will be sure to call you Mrs. Race ALL THE TIME :) We'll be the most polite married couple ever!

Stephanie Trick said...

Amen, sister!!! I agree with you completely and I couldn't have said it better myself....

Love you!