SPT: Guest Post

Welcome (or should I say Willkommen!) to today's installment of Sad Paragraph Tutorial.  I came across a stellar example of a sad paragraph, and, with the author's permission, I have reposted it below.  (Read the rest of his irresistible prose here.)  This piece might take the classification "vignette;" it is more than just a paragraph, but it's not quite a story.  Unlike in my description, the sadness only becomes clear in the last sentence.  See, my children, there are as many ways to write a sad paragraph as there are sad authors' sad concepts.  It was written on a Tuesday, the saddest of days.

Up or Down

by Mickey Mangan

A man was walking down a road. In his hand he held a rope. The rope was very long and one end of it dragged behind him for hundreds of yards as he walked. The other end rose, gently, up from his grip and into the sky. It was attached to a hot air balloon. The hot air balloon floated delicately above him, moving across the land with him as he walked. There were many sunny, cloudless days when the balloon was the most beautiful thing in sight, and the man wanted nothing more than to climb into it and float off into the sky. Other days, however, were not so beautiful.  The man was glad to have the firm ground beneath his feet. Even so, he knew that someday he would work up the courage to climb that rope and see the world from his balloon. Eventually the ground he walked on began to slope downhill. The change was very gradual and, at first, he did not notice it. After many downward steps he was clearly able to see the road ahead.  It stretched gracefully for miles and miles and miles. He admired his view, and saw that he would be safe on this road no matter what happened. Still, he found himself looking longingly up at his balloon. He knew that the view from up there would be far better than any vantage the ground could give him. One day the man found himself looking back on the ground he had covered, and thought he noticed that the rope dragging behind him was shorter than it had been before. Looking up, he realized that the balloon had gotten further and further away from him as he walked down the slope. He tried to pull it back down toward him, but he simply was not strong enough. He tried climbing, but he knew that his arms could not carry him to the top. He knew that he might have been able to climb it before, when the balloon was closer. So instead he kept walking, and kept readjusting his grip to let more of his extra rope out, and kept reassuring himself that the balloon was still there if he really needed it, and that one day it will be close enough to climb to again. He did this for many days, until one day he didn’t hear the rope dragging behind him. He looked down and found that he was holding onto the last feet of rope. He looked up and could barely see his balloon. Was it red? Was it blue? He couldn't even remember what it looked like. If he held onto the rope any longer, it would lift him off of the ground. He let the rope go and kept walking further and further down the road.

One year ago

One year ago today, we were getting ready for our We Didn't Know You Party, where we invited fairly new work friends to celebrate our week-old marriage.  We were planning the lasagna, beef barbecue, pierogies, quiches (that's right, plural quiches), and desserts; getting some ribbon-y decor together; finding songs and pictures and revisiting our guest book to host this mini wedding party with people we really liked but weren't close enough with two months prior to invite them to the actual event.  One year ago, we were realizing more and more that we were together, finally, forever.  One year ago was also the last time we saw our happy friend Aundre.  We were walking around our neighborhood, our newly-wed selves, as we so often did.  And we found Aundre!  And we heard that we were an inspiration to him!  And he asked for our number so we gave him mine and he put it in his phone under Justin's name and Justin mentioned whatever game system he has or something.  We told him our address and said to come over any time, someone's always there!  And since then, I half-waited for a somewhat awkward text from an unknown number wanting to hang out.  I double checked every youngish kid with a big smile and lots of dreads just in case.  I kept my eyes open on walks, remembering the intersection we saw him at most often.  As the weeks and months went by, I stopped looking so carefully.  It occurred to me every now and again, you know who we haven't seen?  He wasn't at CVS at all anymore, not that we went there very much now that we both had jobs and a 24-hour pharmacy was way better.  Did he move?  Did he go to school somewhere?  Were we just uncannily missing him all the time?  Then.  Then, in a flash, we were talking about moving.  Then, in a much slower flash, we found a place, bought it, and moved.  A five-minute drive away, but in a totally different neighborhood with no tennis courts, no winding sidestreets that end in cuddly sacs, no foresty paths that take you to elementary school playgrounds, and no Aundre.  But, this year!  The house is coming together slowly but surely and becoming more and more ours every day.  We had a lovely time celebrating our first anniversary with paper presents and a Richmond B&B.  We have come so far from one year ago!  Who knows, maybe soon we'll meet as happy of a character as Aundre with an even bigger smile and cooler dreads and a quicker wit.  Maybe our gardens next year will be better than any foresty path, and maybe whiffle ball in the meadow will be more fun than any tennis.  But my heart will always have that proverbial special place for Aundre, one year ago.

Sad Paragraph Tutorial: Overview

Hello, somber people.  Here I will provide an overview on how to write a sad paragraph in five easy steps.

1. Think of your sad topic.  Some popular ones are death, unrequited love, cloudy days, eternity, and fallen ice cream.
2. Introduce your topic with a hook -- perhaps via a universal, a quote, or a story about a time it happened to you or someone you know.
3. Take on your sad topic from several perspectives.  What do other people think about it?  What have others said about it?  Does anyone find this topic, in fact, happy?
4. Twist your sad topic.  Is there a new layer of sadness that people might not realize?  Is it connected to some seemingly unconnected thing?  Could it be not as sad as you used to think?  End with an unexpected new thought.
5. Tie this new thought to the original hook for a bonus perspective and that nice full-circle feeling.  Close eloquently.

On the horizon: examples (both serious and less so) I've written, found examples, and maybe a sad mad-libs template (sad-libs?).  Any other ideas, o sad paragraph seekers?  Send them my way.

House and lists, you know, the usual

Whoa Nellie!  Guys, so much happened!  There was VBLX then there was the last week of school then there was Monday, the last day for teachers then there was the first week of summer and here we are.  Here is what I left before VBLX:

And here is what I came back to!:

NOTE THE LACK OF WALL

from the other side!  IT'S SO BRIGHT

Look at that!  Half a wall gone!  Recessed lights in!  A trash can with a lid!  I have been OVERJOYED every moment since I first saw this!  I cannot even believe it.  An open kitchen is basically the only thing I've ever wanted.  Now, if those stairs to the basement weren't there on the right, it could be the most open thing ever, but I'll take what I can get.  The fridge being clear on the other side of everything makes it feel EVEN BIGGER.  But it's not all fun and games: Turns out our kitchen floor has five, count 'em, five, layers to it.  A base of plywood, followed by linoleum, then another design of linoleum, then ceramic (!), then whatever that weird wood-looking thing is on top.  So.  When that's ripped up, the kitchen will be like four inches higher.  Sigh.  The office is painted though, which has inspired me to take it upon myself to prep all the rest of the rooms for painting and start them asap.  I am just so much happier in a freshly painted room that it outweighs the risk of getting it chipped in the rest of the construction!  I will happily repaint an inch to make up for jumping the gun... months early.  We're grateful and happy and everything, but it is taking waayyyy longer than we ever imagined.  We kind of thought Rar would live here and go out for jobs for the company every now and then.  Turns out it's the opposite; he works for his other son like a regular job, and he does our thing on the weekends from around 7 to 2.  Small sigh. 

Goals for Summer 2011

• learn the potter's wheel
• paint the house
• tutor!?
• make all the sandwiches (ok, most of the sandwiches)
• start my Sad Paragraph Tutorial.  Turns out many, many people arrive at this blog by searching "sad paragraph," for which this post is the third FIRST result in all the world, according to Google.  Said sad paragraph is about uprooting my pumpkins last year.  But why is everyone googling sad paragraph?  Do they want examples?  Do they want to learn how to write one?  Are they too happy and need to be brought down a little?  I hope to cater to this niche market by giving the people what they want.  And they apparently want sad paragraphs. 
•  become closer to being a Real Adult

Here is a BONUS SET OF LISTS FOR YOU

Things I Like

• inspiring children to succeed
• motivated, employable children
• smart people
• being safe
• my "Chamber Pop Mix" on iTunes Genius Mixes.  It's like Pandora One but better.
• donating to charity
• Rita's custard
• blueberries

Things I Dislike

• gangs
• people who don't try at anything
• unreasonable people
• cilantro

Two excited paragraphs and one sad paragraph

Oh my!  Let's talk about how the school year is pretty much here!  Silly things:  It will be crazy and fun to get used to my new name in a very real setting (besides addresses on cards and thank-you notes), there will be a new teacher, so I won't be the newcomer anymore, and I got handed down a whole trash bag of professional clothes (skirt-suits!), which I can use to look like a completely different person in the colder days where I can't wear my pretty skirts.  Sad things: MY DEPARTMENT CHAIR IS LEAVING to a new school and a new position, and I COULD NOT BE SADDER.  Really.  I am so sad.  I love her.  We clicked, you know?  The other teacher I clicked with left, but she started saying that halfway through last school year, and I never worked with her directly.  This one, I did.  Bus duty will never be the same.  :'( .  Wonderful things:  I HAVE THE BEST CASELOAD.  I love these children, I've worked with over half of them last year, and there are NINE.  Last year I had FOURTEEN.  In TWO grade levels.  This year, both fifth grade classes, and I hear those teachers will be phenomenal to work with.  I am so excited and so happy.  I will have a consistent, reasonable schedule!  I will be productive and chart their growth!  And we will make AYP!  Oh yes.

Speaking of school starting, I am so excited for fall.  I am jazzed.  To the max.  Not only because there's that hum in the air as school starts, not only because that means it will decline below 89 degrees once more, not only because I will be earning wages at long last, but because there's a sense of ownership that is totally new to me.  In my new era of cooking (and cooking SEASONALLY!  Imagine that!  I am so sorry, but seriously, Smitten Kitchen has changed my life), crafting, having adult couples friends, and earning two incomes has me feeling so legitimate.  Cooking with the seasons means fresh and tastier than I am ever inclined to notice, but it's the knowledge that I am following along that is so fantastic!  As the longest standing member of this house, I've really made it so pleasant to live and be in and look around in.  Justin has helped.  I feel like I can be such a great homemaker in this environment, with these new and creative and healthy things to eat, and with the style and energy infused in the house, as much as we can.

I didn't mean for this post to end sadly too.  I didn't mean for them to go in this order.  But my friends, I had to do something for the second time in my life (and an even more dire situation than the first time):  I had to pull out my pumpkin plants.  I know.  I know.  I was devastated too.  There were three of them, and yes, eventually they all sprouted, but from the moment they went into the earth, I was concerned.  That dirt is not meant to hold intentional plants.  Weeds, bushes - fine.  Grass, vegetables - almost no chance.  The quality is ridiculous, and though my pumpkins grew fairly quickly at the start, and although they reached a few feet and sprouted a tendril or two, the roots never thickened.  And this worried me greatly.  They were always these spindly things, and, not wanting to relive the MiracleGro Disaster of '99, I just stuck to watering it in between torrential downpours.  I tried to give it better soil.  Nothing was strong enough, and as I saw when visited it the other day, the storms had all but torn it to shreds.  I pulled them up, and sure enough, the roots may as well have been thread.  Sigh.  We must cultivate our gardens, better, next year.

Update 6/28/11:  All ye who found this post by searching "sad paragraph," see the label of the same name for your tutorial and more sad paragraph paraphernalia.