Sad Paragraph Tutorial: Overview

Hello, somber people.  Here I will provide an overview on how to write a sad paragraph in five easy steps.

1. Think of your sad topic.  Some popular ones are death, unrequited love, cloudy days, eternity, and fallen ice cream.
2. Introduce your topic with a hook -- perhaps via a universal, a quote, or a story about a time it happened to you or someone you know.
3. Take on your sad topic from several perspectives.  What do other people think about it?  What have others said about it?  Does anyone find this topic, in fact, happy?
4. Twist your sad topic.  Is there a new layer of sadness that people might not realize?  Is it connected to some seemingly unconnected thing?  Could it be not as sad as you used to think?  End with an unexpected new thought.
5. Tie this new thought to the original hook for a bonus perspective and that nice full-circle feeling.  Close eloquently.

On the horizon: examples (both serious and less so) I've written, found examples, and maybe a sad mad-libs template (sad-libs?).  Any other ideas, o sad paragraph seekers?  Send them my way.