A discombobulated post

to go with my discombobulated day.  Yes, more discombobulated than usual.

So you know how I'm usually thinking about four or five dumb things and maybe one real thing at any given time?  WELL.  TODAY I was thinking of like eight or ten dumb things along with five or six real things.  My discom is so bobulated, it's not even funny.

Dumb things I was worried about today involved those silly daily errands that stress us all on some level, and today they included attempting to return non-burning Yankee Candles, missing a Rehoboth Beach (!!!) Groupon ( :'( ), mailing out my WARL donations, and eating right.  And scheduling a Lupus Foundation pickup, and finding things to donate to the Lupus Foundation (their emails plea the subject, "We desperately need clothing!" and the first line of the body of their emails proclaims, "We desperately need knick-knacks!").  Why do these "little things" that make up our days cause us so much strife!  Some days, this list gets checked off methodically and productivity reigns supreme.  Some days, even armed with list, you can't get yourself to accomplish things in a reasonable fashion, so you flail from one half-baked worry to another, not getting anything totally right.  Why is that!  Why, I say!

Medium things I worried about involved school.  I was prepared for a lot of things as part of this program: fighting children, absent parents, mean administrators waiting for someone with passion to change a crappy school culture.  I was very much not prepared to correct the teacher as she's teaching because she's teaching something that is incorrect -- on a regular basis.  She cares!  She means very well!  She is learning the ropes!  She is also, unfortunately, very often wrong.  What to do!  It is a sticky situation.  Also, something greater than a medium worry is the rapidly dwindling budget.  I think instructional positions are safe?  I'm not entirely sure?  So.  That is a concern.  I, for one, see great benefits in having, oh, a counselor, assistant principal, and media specialist (librarian, for those of us stuck in the 80s who still say "gym" instead of "physical education" (I, for one)).  Another (greater than) medium worry is this monster portfolio we have to put together.  I started last weekend, due in June.  I know.  But still.  It's a lot.

Real things I worried about were, I don't know, FINDING A PLACE TO LIVE.  Our time has come!  We can't handle this silly old shared house anymore.  We've been at our breaking point for a long time (it's a SHARED HOUSE) and we recently got a kick in the pants to move.  Places, money, failed appointments... wish us luck in this long and confusing process.  We accept wisdom but only realistic wisdom please (unless you are attaching $$$ to that unrealistic wisdom (eg, "You should live in Bethesda!")).

In a vague attempt to make reading this post worth your while, here is a recipe for a scrub that I wrote!  Making scrubs is my new thing.  I got totally obsessed the last time I had a day off.  I made a bunch from different sources (sketchy no-name websites to Whole Living!) and combined aspects from several to make my favorite!  Here you go.

1 c. brown sugar
1 T  ground oatmeal
1 tsp honey
1/4 c oil (I like almond oil!  I AM SO FANCY)
1/2 tsp vanilla

Mix with a fork, pour into one of those glass jars you're always saving but you don't know why.  Rub on and rinse off in the shower!  Or just your hands at the sink.  I'm not really sure yet how real people use them.  All I know is once you massage it in, it's like you're scratching a deep itch that you never knew you had.  Mmm.

Four Group-Discount Adventures

Friends!  There have been no fewer than FOUR Groupon or Groupon-spinoff events in the last two weeks, and they have all featured their own brand of novelty!  Here they are, in order of appearance:

1. Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum!  So, trust me, I knew even before I bought them, before they ever came up on Specialicious, that Justin would have less than zero interest.  But I, I!  I love this kind of thing!  My theater days are not so far behind me that I have forgotten the magic of the real-but-fake arts.  Although I know very few celebrities, I have always been dying to go.  And it was indeed impressive, starting with Beyonce's guided tour video of how they made her figure.  I can, however, admit that several aspects of it were slightly questionable!  It's super short, as all the reviews will tell you.  And it ends with Joan Rivers, which is pretty disappointing in and of itself.  But apparently, no matter the time period, all the presidents were SUPER TALL.  The Kennedys were represented as being like 5'11!  Each!  Justin and I questioned historical height. 10/16.

   

   look alikes!

   
   

    
2. "Mr. and Mrs." (aka Post-Wedding Engagement) Photo Shoot!  Here is a shoot that the Races can really get behind!  Our trooper Justin posed, kissed, and hugged like a champ for an hour and change at our new favorite gardens.  My ampersand, apples, pumpkins and chalkboards were all put to good use, and despite his doubts and grumbling, Justin ended up really enjoying it too.  I, of course, had the best time.  We got a few congratulations, which we happily accepted.  Pictures hopefully to come soon!  Watch for the one Justin staged himself, which includes me sitting in a tree and him attempting to hug both me and a large branch.  Christmas card or Awkward Family Photos, I can't decide.  Both?? 10/23.
3. Maryland Small Arms Firing Range!  So, trust me, I knew even before I bought them, before they ever came up on LivingSocial, that I would have less than zero interest.  But Justin, Justin!  Justin had been longing to shoot the firearm for many moons now.  Itching for the real deal instead of plastic, zombies, and Dave and Buster's, he'd been mentioning going to a shooting range ever since a friend showed us his collection of bullets and firearms several months ago.  It was going to be their bonding thing; they were going to become Real Dude Friends over guns and the many manly things that went along with that.  I tried to bow out of it before it was even scheduled.  I would tell both my husband and this couple that I definitely did not want any part of this, I would watch from the outside, I didn't want to shoot any guns.  When you make plans to go out with another couple, however, it's generally accepted that both parties of the couple attend.  So I went.  And I almost died.  Not of a bullet, but of such intense dislike of every aspect of the place.  Once in the shooting hallway, filled with smoke, flying casings, and other shooters, I jolted at every bang I heard.  Naturally, there were a lot of bangs.  Loud bangs.  Friends, I jump a mile high when a balloon pops, I contort into a hunched, nearly paralyzed, severe cringe at the sound of the oxygen machine blowing up balloons in case the filler overfills and pops the balloon.  Can you picture me at a shooting range -- at a small, indoor shooting range!  My convulsions alerted me that it might not be the safest idea for me to shoot at all, and I signaled to these kind and well-meaning and gun-comfortable people, through all our headphones, that I was leaving.  I never even touched the gun.  I was relieved and not entirely surprised to see Justin already in the parking lot, trying to stop trembling.  Shooting is not for the Races. 10/24.
4. Spirit of Washington Dinner Cruise!  This came up on Groupon itself, and I fell over with joy.  Half price tickets for a three-hour tour of the Potomac and a fancy schmancy dinner buffet!  Justin says, of his initial reaction to the Groupon, "Yeah, I was game, but I never thought we'd actually do it."  That's where I came in.  I insisted we do it.  A dinner cruise!  It sat and sat, during our super boring summer where we did nothing, and then the school year started, and we didn't do anything then either.  So I scheduled it for this past Friday, and it was amazing.  We forwent fancy clothes, because it was pretty cold, and we had no idea what we were getting ourselves into.  Turns out we were getting ourselves into something with the classy food of a wedding, and the entertainment of a middle school dance.  Slash talent show.  There was a

   

   
   

   hilarious deep-voiced DJ and three ridiculous waiters who dressed up in glitter vests, sang and danced their hearts out.  They weren't very good at it, but they were very enthusiastic about whatever they were doing, but the overall point is that my joy at the entire situation drowned out any distaste for their objectively sub-awesome performances.  The dance floor called my name -- the cha cha slide?  The electric...slide?  Some new slide called the Cupid?  Guys.  I can't help this kind of thing.  I have to do it.  I love it so.  Also, turns out it's perfectly okay not to dress up.  It's perfectly okay to wear anything you like.  From our LBD bachelorette party, to our classy old couples, to our just-engaged lovers to our mid-dating hooch-it-up ladies and their she-made-me-wear-this dudes.  The entire time, amidst it all, we couldn't believe what was happening.  We were on a dinner cruise!  We were getting serenaded!  We went out on the deck several times for views of the DMV skyline and the stars!  We were next to a group of four people who didn't look very happy about anything that was going on.  But one of them happily took our picture!  Thank you, friendly angry man! 10/29.

Numbered List: FALL EDITION

I have a post in my heart about how ridiculous education is.  I can't write it.  Tonight, at least.  Or pretty much in this blog in general.

Instead, I will leave you with Happy Fall Thoughts:

1. Brookside Gardens!  We are so excited to explore a new garden and have our backwards engagement session brought to us by Groupon!  I have mini pumpkins and apples.  And an ampersand.  Justin is being a good sport.
2. We have been working on a still life in painting.  Our midterm.  It's pumpkins (two huge orange, one super light green, two a weird super light orangey-green), and a few lemons.  Apparently my gentle painting teacher has no say over which still lifes are left set up in the classroom, so anything we paint is on the condition it's still there in the future.  Furthermore, the fruit/vegetables on display will be rotting kind of soon.  In describing this condition, and in encouraging us to try to finish during Thursday's session, Tim instructed us to "paint like it's your last day."  He meant, of course, like it's your last day with the still life in front of you.  But I took the opportunity, as I frequently do, to take his words out of context and apply them to life.  Paint like it's your last day.  "Tim, you're so inspiring!"  He chuckled.
3. How did baseball evolve?  I think I can see the progress of most famous sports.  Get a ball into a certain area -- don't hit people.  Too hard.  But baseball!  Starts out innocently enough: hit a ball with a stick.  Bases really throw me for a loop.  Hit a ball with a stick, then run in a circle.  Strategically.  Baseball might very well be the most complicated sport.
4. Fall always makes me wish I could run.  :(
5. Pumpkin Spice Latte coming up, I can feel it!!
6. Marriages are everywhere.  This is so awesomely exciting and renewing my faith in humanity.
7. Magazines are also everywhere.  Somehow I got myself into some sort of subscription/free trial mess and I currently have one Whole Living and two Real Simples waiting for me.  (Dude.  Real Simples are NOT, in fact, real simple.  They are like 400 pages a piece.  Not even kidding.  What is this, InStyle?)  This is on the heels of my last Whole Living and The Nest.  I rarely use anything from them, but recently I decided I am in love with young-ish-housewife type magazines.  They're so...seasonal!
8. Fall candles: Coming soon to a living room near you.  Mmmm.
9. Also: B8HOVN.  I pretty much died.  We were crossing a street as the composer was turning towards us onto our road; my jaw dropped, I grabbed Husband's arm and pointed wildly.  I hope that gentle musical family understood.  I was so happy.

Out Petting Horses

So, seeing how our marriage lacked both a honeymoon and a wedding present from me, around August or so I decided to surprise Justin with a trip.  A trip to a bed and breakfast (as I stumblingly tried to explain to the owners, we seem young but we tend to enjoy things that retired people enjoy), it turned out, at the northern most end of the Chesapeake Bay.  It was a roundabout find, sprouted from the seedling of "farm stays," the hot new staycation taking the nation by storm I read about in Redbook (Cosmo for college graduates!).  Apparently Maryland has very few farms available for stay, so I went with Fairwinds Farm, a charming horse farm with all the fixins, including horrendous web design.  Justin had been slightly hesitant, vaguely understanding that I may have "had something planned" that he was less than comfortable not knowing about.  I did all my errands and packed us all up on my furlough day, at the last minute deciding on fruit, hot fudge, and a bottle of sparkling cider in a well-meaning but humorous attempt to make at least part of it a romantic wedding present.  Oops, oh well. 

who knew that sparking cider needed a bottle opener?  not me!

Anyway!  The house overflowed with rustic country charm, and the town's Main Street held equally charming shops and ice cream places.  The property itself was overflowing with animals, most notably, of course, the horse.  I do this thing where I'm really timid and actually pretty afraid of animals until I see someone else pet them, preferably the one who owns them.  I figure I'll trust the animal after someone I trust trusts it.  It's so... transitive!  After I bring myself to approach it, and it doesn't flip out, I'm usually pretty okay.

hello and thank you for not biting me!

We even went on a trail ride!  Not only did I trust my horse (Pete), but I had the best time riding it.  Except when he trotted me into branches.  Justin brought up the rear a good twelve yards behind or so at all times on his lazy, uncooperative horse (Major).  Turns out he prefers his feet on the ground.  He likes petting them better.

hello and i will never ride you again!

There was also Finn, a charmer who fell in and out of love with us.  Having her around thoroughly renewed our pining for an awesome, happy dog.  Especially one who follows produce stand signage.

The place was owned by this couple, Ted, 55 and JoAnn, 53, who each have more energy and ambition than all the Maryland Teacher of the Year contestants combined.  These people run the B&B, host tea parties and birthday parties, board horses and dogs, manage horse shows and give lessons, rent out for weddings, movies (their horses have been in, oh, The Color Purple), and trail rides.  She's written four children's chapter books about girls and horses, oh, and she has an agent to land her roles as extras in movies such as The Sixth Sense and Rocky V.  They both happen to teach at the local community college, and they travel during their "slow months."  They've won bunches of "Best Farm," "Most Beautiful Person," and other town and state awards for excellence in being people.  "They don't let the grass grow under their feet," said our stand-in host, a nice gentleman who's been working for them for six years, who was there to make sure various birthday parties and guests found everything okay while each of the actual hosts was at a different wedding.  And upon hearing all of that, I was floored with awe.  I continue to be floored with awe, but my flooring has taken on different colors in the time I've had to process all this.  I started out with lots of envy, but it also makes me exhausted just listing all those responsibilities.  Then I start getting mad at my preemptive exhaustion.  It's inspiring, of course, but it would be more inspiring with a little more modesty.  "They're living the life they love," our very nice man added.  But in the end, I just remember that there would be pretty much no more time for this:

i would miss this

And that's pretty much where it's at.

A new line of posts, coming your way!

So people have this notion that Justin and I do exceptionally cool things.  Let me dispel that rumor: we do not.  But time and again friends have commented that I should alert them of surrounding awesomeness in activities, so I bring you, pretty much stolen from Ryan North, What Are the Haps, My Friends.  In WATHMF I shall try to bring you what we'll be doing, or thinking about doing, or wish we were doing, partly to tell you about the thing itself, partly to fill you in on how we discovered it, and partly to inspire you to be on the lookout for these things in the future.  I'll tell you right now, it will pretty much be a combo of Metromix and Groupon (referral links for everyone!), to scour for the best of the entertaining and the cheap, if not free.  Obviously I will still bring you your numbered lists, loves and rants, just thought I'd mention this barely-cohesive topic thread.

Justin and I try (we were doing really well until the whole wedding thing usurped the last like three weekends) to alternate weekend planning.  One weekend will be mine, and by Thursday I plan everything from Friday evening through Sunday, with two or three fun things, times and transportation, where we're eating, errands, etc; the next weekend, he does the same.  When it's my weekend, I get to decide everything; when it's his, I get to kick back.  It's working really well so far.  We try to do things a little off the beaten path - we enjoy a good monument or Smithsonian, but we LOVE a hidden garden or a terrific mini golf course.  Here's what I mean (numbered list time!):

1. Hillwood Garden and Estates - the 25-acre garden and mansion of the sole heiress to the Post cereal empire, complete with million-dollar Russian chalices and lavish costume ball costumes!  Off Connecticut close to Van Ness.  Literally hidden behind people's houses.
2. Renwick Gallery of American Art - enormous room of portraits of Indians AND unusually beautiful modern (but not too modern) art!  By the White House.
3. Corcoran Gallery - what's that, you say? $15 admission?  Not on Saturdays during the summer!  Complete with Free Summer Saturday events, like our coveted flipbook!  Also by the White House.
4. Rocky Gorge Mini Golf and Batting Cages - apparently the longest mini golf hole in the world!  Also one of those awesome, old fashioned, get-it-between-the-windmill-fan obstacle courses.  Laurel, MD.

Ta da!  Welcome to What Are the Haps, My Friends, my friends!