An Open Letter to Future House

Dear Future House,

Please don't have burst pipes.  That seems to be the only thing potentially wrong with you, besides the amazing amount of bird poo on the floor and the fact that you lack all appliances ever.  We can work with those.  We've geared ourselves up for a huge weekend of cleaning and many thousands of dollars' worth of renovations.  We cannot, however, gear up for replacing burst pipes.  Or faulty AC.  Your natural gas, electric capacity, roof, outlets, and heat all seem to have gotten Rar's blessing, which is hard to come by, if you're a house.  But please don't have burst pipes.

We're pretty much ready to buy you, Future House.  The loan will more than likely work out, even though it's a different type of loan than my credit union could offer and got slowed down by an incompetent affiliate of our realtor but now seems to be in the hands of the right woman who supposedly will call us back later today or tomorrow morning.  But it seems promising!  Pending two inspections totaling $1100 (from two different inspectors, both of whom will inspect you with Rar and me present, but not Justin, because someone decided to go on a vacation business conference), we are so Moving Forward with you.

Future House, we love you.  You have an enormous lot, front but especially back, with tons of space for gardens and ponds of all kinds.  You are dog-ready.  Your rooms are big and, with our hookup, will be totally swank in a reasonable amount of time.  Your finished basement is a pretty awesome bonus.  We're going to get you new doors, windows, a fridge, an oven -- the works!  We'll even repaint you.  You're going to be worth double what we're paying for you now!  Wouldn't you like that, Future House?  You will love us!  We are very nice, and we will not trash you.  We will bring friends over to admire you!  You will be free of crummy housemates; just us.  And we're great.  We'll fill you with real furniture!  And not overwhelm you with crap!  We have a very simplistic but classy style.  We promise.

I promise you all this and more.  We're just a few steps away.  We'll even inspect you for termites before we move in.

Just please, don't have burst pipes.

Love,
pam.